My overall intention each year is always to lavish myself with regular self-care. I think I’m doing pretty good so far … but I definitely need more massages.

Now over to you. How’s your self-care? What would feel delicious to do for yourself right now? How can you make this part of your daily life?

Leave a comment below and tell me all about it.

In this video, I lead you through making a safety kit. If you struggle with anxiety, panic attacks or just a bit of butterflies in the belly when you have to do something difficult, the safety kit can help ground you.

Using sensory input, the safety kit can be a lifesaver.

Here’s where you can find the two products I refer to in this video:

1. Bach’s Rescue Remedy
2. Mountain Rose Herbs Lavender essential oil (scroll down the page for lavender)

Let me know if you make your own safety kit or already use one. I love hearing from you.

She did … on her way to accept the Oscar for best actress last night.

~~ Woops ~~

But it was totally endearing. I imagined that I too would have taken that embarrassing tumble when the entire world was watching (OK … maybe just the United States).

Here is what I kept thinking, though. She got up and kept going. That made me cheer for her even more.

It’s just like she said as Tiffany in Silver Linings Playbook (from the book by Matthew Quick):

I was a slut. There will always be a part of me 

that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, 

just like all the other parts of myself.

Are there parts of you that you like? Parts that you don’t like?

Tell me all about, darlin’. Leave a comment below.

We were talking about Valentine’s Day being a strange holiday. It’s true, when you think about the hordes of guys & girls buying stuff for each other, while the unattached watch from the sidelines.

Here’s what I propose instead.

It’s actually something I adopted when I was unattached. During that time in my life, I desperately wanted to be attached — to have someone to love and who loved me back. This went on for years.

Finally, I stopped wanting it. I saw that wanting to be in a relationship and saving up this part of myself meant that I was wasting the juiciest bits of me. I suddenly saw how crazy this was.

At that moment, I decided to share all my juiciness with everyone I loved — no holding back, no waiting for Mr. Right or whatever.

It’s been amazing since then.

So here’s what I propose instead: share all your juicy bits with the people you love. 

You can start today by giving something to someone in your life who is not attached.

I left M’s bakery with a bag of cookies for Dave, the unattached sweetheart who watches my dog when I travel.  He loved them.

Love beams with sprinkles on top,
Maureen

A newish favorite is Here’s the Thing. Host Alec Baldwin chats it up with a mix of people from politics, movies and pop culture. Surprisingly, Alec gets people to talk (even though he comes off as pretty narcissistic self-absorbed).

I recently listened to the one he did with Andrew McCarthy. You know, the cute guy from the right side of the tracks opposite Molly Ringwalk in Pretty in Pink (that’s Andrew — the cutie in the middle). 

Andrew’s been writing. About traveling. About the fear of committing to someone you love. I loved his new book The Longest Way Home. Andrew said something so powerful in the “Here’s The Thing” podcast with Alec about his experience of himself in the practice of writing.

He said,

“I feel like me when I do it. That’s what I most like in the world … feeling like myself.”

Zing! That totally got me.

I knew exactly what he meant.

I feel like myself when I’m hiking with my dog every morning … when I’m practicing yoga … when I’m making art. I love these times when I can let everything else drop away.

Here’s the full podcast in case you want to hear the whole thing. http://www.wnyc.org/shows/heresthething/2012/nov/05/

Tell me, though, when do you feel like you?

Before I get to that, I am going to share something with you ….

I’ve been on both sides of the room in therapy. I’m a therapist now, but I also have spent time on the other side of the room as a client.

Andrew Black via Compfight                                                   

With that said, I believe that finding the right therapist is the most important part of successful therapy. You can go to the most popular, buzzed-about therapist, but if it’s not a good fit, you’ll be less than buzzed.

I went to a few that felt totally wrong.

The first therapist was a guy with a snazzy downtown address. Once I stepped into his office, I immediately felt out of place. He listened silently as I poured out my heart out. At the end, he simply said “You’re depressed and need medication.” That was all he said. (Check, please.)

I tried another therapist who was a woman, thinking that I’d feel more comfortable with her. She was OK, but her office had such harsh overhead fluorescent lights that I left with a headache, never to return.

One ate her dinner while she listened to me. And still another wrote his notes while I talked.

None of these therapists felt right. My intuition said no.

Then there were the other 2 — at separate times for separate issues. C was older with lots of experience, and B was recently out of grad school. Through their words, body language and office environment, I felt safely held. I knew that I’d be able to use their holding spaces to work out whatever I needed.

My intuition said yes.

So here’s my best advice:

1. Check out a few therapists.
2. Call them. Go for an initial session.
3. Then check in with yourself. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t go back.
4. Trust your intuition.

If you’ve tried therapy and want to share positive and/or negative experiences, leave a comment. I love to hear from you.

Instead, I create intentions for the year.

For the last 15 years, one of my intentions has been for radical self-care.  Each January, I renew it.

This year, it looks like this: 

1.  Take one day off per week and spend some of my day off making art. For me, making art is one of the things I love to do that ALSO empties my mind.

2.  Get a massage at least once per month. This one’s a no-brainer … total “me time.”

3.  Make more meals at home and invite friends over to share. Making home meals lets me have control over what I make and where the ingredients come from, and sharing meals is fun for me.

4.  Show (rather than tell) the people I love that I love them. Make bold crazy statements  … however it feels right at the time.

5.  Never resist the impulse to be generous. Giving can feel good.

6.  Listen to my intuition, no matter what.

~~~~ * ~~~~ * ~~~~

Now tell me about your radical self-care.

Is there something you do that empties your mind? Have you wanted to get a massage, but told yourself that you can’t afford it? What fills you back up that you haven’t made time for?

Leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

My best wishes for an incredible year,
Maureen

It’s the time of year when things aren’t always merry & bright. There’s the stress of shopping, the time-crunch of traveling, dealing with crowds, and sometimes the irritation of being with people you don’t like.

Here’s my tiny guide to feeling a sliver of peace:

• Be gentle with yourself. That can mean lowering your expectations (as in “you can’t do it all”) and focus on what you can do, no matter how small.

• Retreat. If you are a “highly sensitive person,” plan time each day when you can be alone with your thoughts away from noise, smells and others.

• Make your own schedule whenever possible. This time comes from my friend Colleen. Rather than be at the whim of others, tell them when you’re available to get together. (Thank you, Colleen!)

• Focus on love. Shift your awareness from the crap that makes you feel bad to people and things you love.

• Breathe. Place your hands on your belly. Inhale into your hands, allowing your belly to fill with air like a balloon. Repeat.

Sending you big hugs and love beams,
Maureen

Super Soothing Skills Square Breathing from Maureen Clancy on Vimeo.

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